Last words.

I don't write here anymore.

I've been thinking about writing this entry for the past three months, but the idea has been bouncing around my head for over three and a half years. Of course now that I actually want to try to get this stuff in writing, I choke. There are many things I would like to write about here, but the vast majority of them don't matter anymore. I have some messages to certain people. Maybe they'll read them. Maybe they won't. I'll never find out and that's probably for the best.

There are many of you out there that hate me. Some have perfectly valid reasons. Some simply hated me for being different. Others for being myself, for daring to be different than the norm, or just... for not falling into certain social schemes or cliques. I don't understand you. I spent many years trying to do so and I couldn't figure it out. I wish I could talk to you to clear that up, but some would just walk away instead of trying to reason with me. Reasoning is one of my biggest flaws, but it's also kept me alive. It's kept me moderately sane. It's kept me from doing things that can't be undone. (Well. Most things.)

... and to that one person.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I dragged you into one of the darkest moments in my life. I'm sorry for everything I said and did that hurt you. I don't hate you. I haven't hated you for a very long time. I haven't hated anyone for a long time. I've spent the past eight years trying to atone for all of that but all of that is pointless unless I say this somewhere. And I have. You didn't do anything wrong. I did. There are many things I would like to tell you, but I'll have to keep them to myself. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to tell them to you. Maybe... I know that a semi-hidden message in an abandoned journal isn't a really good way to say this, but it's something. I just want to get this out there. I don't care if some people think less of me for this... I'm... I just want peace.

Life is too short to keep grudges. My extended family and parts of my close family are full of hatred. I don't understand that and I never will, because I don't want to be like my family, not in that way. I've seen what it does and what it did to me. I don't want that to happen to anyone else.

There are many, many people out there who I've disappointed. I didn't turn out the way they had hoped. My life isn't even close to being what I wanted it to be.

So this is how I start over.

I hope I can turn it around. I have friends and a family that supports me. I have a baby nephew that will need me as he grows up. I have to do the best I can for him. Someone's got to make sure that he doesn't make the same mistakes we did.

I'm leaving this journal up. Not as a reminder of what I did, but as a reminder of what I am. And what I should change. I can't change the past. But I can make sure I don't repeat the same mistakes again.

Maybe one day my karma will even out. For now, I have to keep trying my best. I wasn't there for the people that needed me then. I have to be there for those that need me now.

Still alive

But I have a request for help.

Um. I picked up a bunch of Pokemon cards at the flea market today for $2. I got like 500, and at least 100 of them are shiny and stuff. Does anyone know where I can sell these? :P Pretty much all are in good shape. I'm looking at a bunch of random sites and they seem to be worth $2-$15... but those prices seem excessive.

Yeah. ^^;

(no subject)

I just deleted a lot of people off my friends list. Most people haven't updated in a long time. Others just... don't seem to be around anymore.

I'm sorry if you're among them.

(no subject)

(9:10:11 PM) Nathan:,500-Calorie_Pizza_Burger_In_New_York_In_September
(9:10:28 PM) Foxhack: uh...
(9:10:56 PM) Nathan: oh that's right
(9:11:00 PM) Nathan: you didn't see the other picture
(9:11:03 PM) Foxhack: do want
(9:11:05 PM) Foxhack: DO FUCKING WANT
(9:11:07 PM) Foxhack: :D
(9:11:16 PM) Nathan: this arose from the "food that can kill you" topic
(9:11:24 PM) Foxhack: really?
(9:11:27 PM) Nathan:
(9:11:32 PM) Foxhack: I eat like 2500 calories FOR BREAKFAST :P
(9:11:40 PM) Foxhack: what's that?
(9:11:45 PM) Foxhack: wait
(9:11:45 PM) Foxhack: is that
(9:11:48 PM) Foxhack: a fried burger
(9:11:49 PM) Nathan: it's a DEEP FRIED BIG MAC.
(9:11:50 PM) Foxhack: o_O
(9:11:52 PM) Foxhack: the fuck
(9:11:56 PM) Foxhack: FUCK YOU AMERICA
(9:11:59 PM) Foxhack: FUCK YOU D:
  • Current Music
    It's the Little Things that Make Me Happy [Toshikazu Tanaka] [Shin Gouketsuji Ichizoku Toukon ~Matri

(no subject)

Anyone have any suggestions to get me motivated into actually doing some website stuff instead of lounging around doing useless stuff instead? :P
  • Current Mood
    blah blah

I still think they're a crap bank

So lemme get this straight.

Bank of America messed up my mother's bank account and they refuse to fix it? Yeah, that's just like them.

Basically, her bank account was opened by her, and when my father became ill, she added him as the secondary account owner so she could receive his pension money there (and use it to pay for his nursing care.) But now that my father is dead, she decided to remove him from the account, and put me instead, so I could go and get money from the account if she needed any and couldn't go to the bank for one reason or another.

So we go there last week, and they tell us that no, they can't remove my father until we bring his death certificate. So we postpone the whole thing until yesterday. And we go there, and what do we find? Well, that my father is the main account holder now.

Yeah. The hell.

See, mom shows up as the owner in the main database (which they access via a DOS-like console). But in their secondary database, the Windows-based one that they use for everything else? Dad shows up as the owner. Even though he was added as a secondary account owner. And even though we explained to the clerk that he was a secondary user, he simply refused to help us out, unless we closed the account and opened another one.

Which we did not want to do under any circumstances. Hell, it felt to me like the guy was trying to get a commission for opening a "new" account!

So we left. I was pissed, mom was pretty annoyed. But that was enough to convince her to dump their sorry asses and get an account at MY bank. We'll do that at the end of the year.


In short, Bank of America still fucking blows and I wish someone would buy them up so they stop being so AWFUL at everything.

(Full disclosure: I closed my account there many years ago after they screwed me over because they charged me money over a deposit. I closed my account and told them to go screw themselves.)
  • Current Music
    Screamer + Crawler [John Sanderson, Nadeem Daya] [House Of The Dead: Overkill Soundtrack]